Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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