in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
