The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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