I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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