Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
