bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
