I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
