stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
