SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
