Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
