Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
