god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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