saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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