I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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