I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
