His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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