hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
