Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
