Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
