For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Pooping to opera.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
