He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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