Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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