Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
someone owes me an orgasm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
