i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
