took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
