I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
