Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
