guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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