I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
