Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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