Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
