what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
