Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
