i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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