i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
