Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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