I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We left the knife in your bed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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