hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
