totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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