I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
