I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
