i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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