Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
