Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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