my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize