when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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