Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
