I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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