I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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