Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
