perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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