glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
