Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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