Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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