I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
