the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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