i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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