no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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