No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
