Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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