Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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